45. A Woman's Words

I walked through the door, textbooks in tow, and was met with the unmistakable scent of slightly burnt coffee beans. Three women sat giggling in the corner and speaking in hushed whispers. It struck me odd that women in their mid-twenties would act like teenagers. I must have allowed my confused gaze to linger long enough for them to notice. They quickly sipped their lattes and resumed looking around the room. One of them appeared to be throwing furtive glances my way as I requested my cappuccino. She was cute, but I wasn't interested. I was on a mission that certainly didn't include beginning a career searching for women in coffee shops.

The table nearest them was the only one open. Sitting with my back to them, I put in my headphones and furiously began typing notes while the monotone voice of my professor invaded my ears. I fell into some academic trance and everything else faded. I was completing my homework like a mad man! Everything was going great and I was sincerely pleased with myself. The first lecture ended and the sounds of the coffee shop reappeared.

I could hear the lowered voices of the ladies behind me as they commented on the other people in the room. It took me only a moment to realize that they were only commenting on the men.

"What about this guy right in front of us? He's kinda cute."
I glanced at the window and caught their reflection. Their commentary was now focused on me. Curiosity piqued, I left my earbuds in and neglected to start the next lesson. Perhaps this was slightly deceitful, but it isn't very often (if ever) that a man gets to hear a women's honest opinion of his appearance.
"Who? The guy whose face I can't see?" Her friend apparently hadn't gotten as good of a look at me before.
"Yeah, this guy with the headphones in. We saw him when he came in, remember?"
"Oh yeah. Well, I guess he was okay," came the disinterested reply.
"Just okay? Hmm. Yeah, you're right. He's cute, but nothing special. Pretty forgettable."
The third friend chimed in, but only to change the subject. "What about that barista? He's hot!"

At this point, I just stopped listening. I was uncertain how to feel. Bothered? Angry? Disappointed? Insecure? Objectified? I didn't know these women so I shouldn't let their words affect me. But still, nothing deflates someone's ego like hearing they are forgettable. Sure they were only talking about my appearance and not my personality, but guys like to be thought of as attractive too. I mean, The Elephant Man may have had a great heart but the comments on his appearance did nothing to help. I'm not horribly disfigured, but the latter part of that sentence sticks in my head.

I sincerely believe that if those ladies knew I could hear them, they would not have said what they did. Why else would they have been whispering?  They were careless words that hurt, but I don't think they wanted me to hear them. But that doesn't make it right. Ironically, in many ways I am grateful they they said them. It made me think.

There are many times that I have said things in confidence about someone that I wouldn't want that person to hear. That's just wrong, and I'm sorry I've done it. Today, these women reminded me of that. And I've decided not to do that anymore.