I just finished this book. A few months ago I saw the movie that was made from it. Perhaps it is my own past, or my current wanderings, but the life of Chris McCandless strikes me to the very core. It is likely the most poignant story I have ever read. Throughout it I found myself pausing and falling into deep thought, questioning & searching myself for answers. What follows is a brief attempt to put order to my thoughts, though I fear words shall do them a grave injustice.
It is impossible, I should think, to begin to understand the impact this book has had on me without delving into the life of Christopher McCandless. Read the book. Please. At the very least see the film. For my purposes here, I must assume that you have at the least a basic knowledge of his story. Forgive me for not being able to recount it in the span of a few paragraphs.
This story is so moving because as much as it is about this young man, it evokes something much deeper. As I look upon McCandless, I see myself. I mean this at the core of my being. Idealistic. Stubborn. Headstrong. Determined. Opinionated. Romanticism. Wanderlust. But the way these and many other traits have played out for the two of us are very different. I believe this lies in both the similarities and vast differences of our childhoods.
McCandless was wealthy yet despised it; I poor and carrying the same feeling. We are both bastard sons who discovered the infidelities of our parents at the end of our adolescence and had our views changed for it. He refused to forgive the father who worked to give him the best; I have not forgiven the father who abandoned me and that I'll never meet. He grew up in a beautiful home that he traded for vagrancy; as a young child I moved between friend's homes, motels, & "camping trips" in the car - and to this day think that owning a home is a pipe dream. Within both of us is a deep yearning for truth and a forced lesson of self-reliance. I can very easily see how, should circumstance have been slightly altered, I might be on the same path as him. What intrigues me is the thought that I very well may be anyway.
Critics claim that he was a spoiled, idealistic idiot who got himself killed in the wilderness of Alaska. I agree on some points. He was idealistic. He took foolish risks. But reading his tale reveals that he was no idiot. He in many ways embodied what lies within all men. Yet most men shy away from grand dangerous romanticized adventure, favoring the virtue of wisdom. Perhaps too much. Thus is the dilemma I've been facing for months.
I currently live a semi-nomadic existence. I belong nowhere, to no one. Even staying with family, I feel as a squatter who may have to leave at anytime. [This is in no way how I am treated, just how I personally feel]. As of late, the prospect of settling down anywhere gives me pause. Like the critics of McCandless I know there are many who would say that I am foolish, selfish, and running. I know because they have said it, though none to my face. I question often if they are right. I currently bide my time doing what I 'ought' to do, while inwardly brooding about what to do next, about what I want my existence to be. These are heavy thoughts for a young man, but necessary ones. I can only hope I find and follow wisdom.
It is speculated from the writings that were found among his belongings that on his Alaskan odyssey Christopher McCandless found some of the peace and meaning that he was looking for, and that he may even have intended to settle down when he returned south. Indeed, some of what he learned, and what I hope I may learn from him, is contained in one of the statements he wrote during his last days:
"HAPPINESS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED"
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