Anyone who knows me well and knows how my brain reels will be able to attest to a truth about me - I am a restless soul. I feel the effects of this daily, and I've also seen it manifest itself in my actions. The longest I've ever held a single job is a year and a half. Even when I've been at the same company, I've been moved around. I just get bored and start to feel stuck - like I'm not where I belong and I must search out wherever that place is.
I'm sure that many people feel this way. It seems human nature. Yet, guided by either wisdom or folly, I've repeatedly found myself one of the few who habitually relinquish one role in search of the next. I was told a long time ago that my path would be different from that of most people. This may be where I initially found difficulty. Even this day, just as that, I yearn both to embrace the romantic notions of this idea and to reject them as the cliche thoughts of all young men. All I know is that I'm not yet satisfied.
Today I came across an article that had the following quote in it. My mind has been running since:
“I have said that a high ideal is essential to a completely successful life. But in the realization of our aim it is quite necessary to form an ideal commensurate with our abilities. Many a man has failed in his life-work because his notions of what he ought to do were marvelously beyond his power of execution. Such a man forms so high a conception of what he would like to accomplish that he has no heart to attempt anything in earnest. . . This intense burning desire on the part of common people to become millionaires, or merchant princes, or railroad kings, or something beyond their powers and opportunities has filled our American communities with hundreds of restless, discontented, useless men.
One of the most valuable lessons for the young to learn is that it takes a great man to accomplish a great undertaking, and that both are necessarily few in one generation. If this lesson were learned and heeded half the heartache of our mature years might be avoided. Effort, and high resolve, and noble purpose are excellent qualities of character; but they can never enable a man to lift himself by the boot-straps nor accomplish the unattainable. It is at once the weakness and greatness of some to conceive what they attempt to do of so high a degree of excellence that no human power can reach it. The natural effect of this is a restless desire to accomplish something far beyond what is ordinarily attained even by surpassing talent. When such a desire has taken possession of the heart, the usual achievements of men seem poor indeed. With their broad views and far-sighted stretch of thought, it seems trivial to come down to the common affairs of every-day life. It is to them a small thing to do good and get good in the plain old common-sense way.
- J. Clinton Ransom, The Successful Man, 1886
These words are both true and humbling. They are more powerful when accompanied by the article I found them in. It goes on to state that men often feel restless because there seems like there are so many amazing opportunities out there in the world and they are unable to choose between them. I know that the sentiment rings true deep within me - I wish for great things out of life and yet am unsure of which ones I truly want for myself. I can honestly say that I have no delusions of grandeur, and as such I find no fear in the words of Mr. Ransom. My trepidation rather lies in the delay I sense in life that is resulting from my inability to determine what I wish my efforts to continually pursue.
Over the last year I have been introduced to myself. I've steadily been discovering who I am and what I enjoy. Now more than ever I feel the need to spend time in contemplation and make some important decisions. I'm not sure how long this will take, but I can not postpone it any longer.
This is Gift 10 - I'm dedicating time to think specifically on this subject of what I desire. This is not limited to a career, but on the areas of life I want to develop. For years my heart has been sparked very much toward the notion of becoming a modern Renaissance Man* but I know that a few practical decisions must be made if this is indeed a course I choose. Indeed, I've even delayed this.
For those of you following along at home - I request prayer for direction and vision. I also urge you to do a little soul-searching for yourself. It can only help.
*it came to my attention a few weeks ago that VERY few people have any idea what a Renaissance Man is. Please, for your own sake - learn. I'd tell you myself but as you'll soon find out, that would defeat the purpose.
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